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Author Topic: Anti Social / Loners  (Read 2753 times)

Offline viper92583

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #30 on: April 13, 2008, 06:48:53 AM »
Quote from: "Azurael711"
Well, I can't really say that I know loners or those anti-social people, because I'm a very very happy and friendly(to some) person! I would actually try to interact with people, IF I CAN, although if I meet girls, I'm not really good at interacting with them. haha. So I wouldn't really know those loners or anti-social guys out there think, or how they live like that.

But I guess I'll put a little insight into this matter.

I think, that people becoming loners or anti-social people have several factors, although the most significant one I think, is the Bully. If there are several people who make fun of a certain person, that person would withdraw from society to avoid being ridiculed or made fun of. That would grow on him even up to the time when those bullies are gone, and voila! you have a loner! :D         

I was bullied quite ever since I was in third grade I think? But I always had these friends who would dismiss those guys and always stay with me even with those evil b*stards! (Sorry, I really just hate those guys still) Now, I am going to be a college student in June, and I'm a much better person because of those people who stuck with me through all of that. :D         

Sorry for the story. haha :)          Just shows that you can affect how a person becomes, by becoming that person's friend :D         
don't apologize for the story...i, however, must apologize for mine...

honestly, i think bullies are a huge factor in how a child will develop socially, and how they will perceive the world...what no one seems to understand is it develops into a post-traumatic stress syndrome of sorts, because the negativity becomes reinforced so much that it begins to be true to the kid being bullied, and no one steps in to change it, so it's reinforced as just the way things work, or the kid is left feeling that no one will take the trouble to help him or her because it's not worth the effort...And worse yet, the kid becomes afraid to do anything about it, because any action he takes to change it is punished, so doing the right thing becomes wrong and doing the wrong thing remains wrong, which means the only choice that the kid can really resolve himself to is doing nothing and just surviving, silently taking it, internalizing it, and hardening to the world...

two examples come to mind...my brother and i...

he's social...loves people, social gatherings, doesn't mind presentations, likes meeting new people, has very few reservations around strangers, and for the most part is just a people person...sure, he's shy, but who isn't?

me on the other hand...i do not care for social gatherings, don't really like meeting new people, because i constantly have to remind myself that not everyone is looking for something they can use against me, and i find myself withdrawing from crowds, because i just don't like the feeling that crowds give me...i'm shy, but also extremely cynical...i don't much care for people on the whole, and people have to work to earn my trust or to get to know much about me at all...

my brother?  good at sports, worked hard in school, and everyone loved him...

me?  wasn't a big sports guy, but i worked hard in school, and people resented me for it...

there is one major difference in our stories, Azurael711...i was bullied from 3rd grade until i left my hometown at the end of my sophomore year...

and i didn't have friends who would dismiss those people's actions, and i didn't have people who would look out for me, or even stick with me...because it didn't get them up the social ladder...instead they would pick on me, try to earn my trust just a little to betray it the next day, and work consistently to destroy me, all for a cheap laugh...

i was recently reminded of this by a dumb@$$ that decided to swerve his car toward the curb to splash me with a puddle, all for a cheap laugh...

i've grown cynical, anti-social, and am getting ready to graduate college...i have had one significant relationship, which lasted 2 years and fizzled out to nothing...because i had trouble opening up...now i'm finally able to open up a bit more, but i still appear damaged goods, like a chipped teapot in a china shoppe...and it has taken 8 years to put the pieces back together as well as i have, but it's not nearly enough...

yeah...bullies severely screw a person up...and so do the people who do nothing to stop them...

the worst thing is this:  it made my parents feel like $#!+ because i never talked to them, but the reason i never talked to them about any of this was any actions they would take would've made it worse...and after a while, i actually began to fear that telling my parents would actually threaten their safety, and my home's safety...

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Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #31 on: April 16, 2008, 10:57:34 PM »
Quote from: "viper92583"
Quote from: "Azurael711"
Well, I can't really say that I know loners or those anti-social people, because I'm a very very happy and friendly(to some) person! I would actually try to interact with people, IF I CAN, although if I meet girls, I'm not really good at interacting with them. haha. So I wouldn't really know those loners or anti-social guys out there think, or how they live like that.

But I guess I'll put a little insight into this matter.

I think, that people becoming loners or anti-social people have several factors, although the most significant one I think, is the Bully. If there are several people who make fun of a certain person, that person would withdraw from society to avoid being ridiculed or made fun of. That would grow on him even up to the time when those bullies are gone, and voila! you have a loner! :D         

I was bullied quite ever since I was in third grade I think? But I always had these friends who would dismiss those guys and always stay with me even with those evil b*stards! (Sorry, I really just hate those guys still) Now, I am going to be a college student in June, and I'm a much better person because of those people who stuck with me through all of that. :D         

Sorry for the story. haha :)          Just shows that you can affect how a person becomes, by becoming that person's friend :D         
don't apologize for the story...i, however, must apologize for mine...

honestly, i think bullies are a huge factor in how a child will develop socially, and how they will perceive the world...what no one seems to understand is it develops into a post-traumatic stress syndrome of sorts, because the negativity becomes reinforced so much that it begins to be true to the kid being bullied, and no one steps in to change it, so it's reinforced as just the way things work, or the kid is left feeling that no one will take the trouble to help him or her because it's not worth the effort...And worse yet, the kid becomes afraid to do anything about it, because any action he takes to change it is punished, so doing the right thing becomes wrong and doing the wrong thing remains wrong, which means the only choice that the kid can really resolve himself to is doing nothing and just surviving, silently taking it, internalizing it, and hardening to the world...

two examples come to mind...my brother and i...

he's social...loves people, social gatherings, doesn't mind presentations, likes meeting new people, has very few reservations around strangers, and for the most part is just a people person...sure, he's shy, but who isn't?

me on the other hand...i do not care for social gatherings, don't really like meeting new people, because i constantly have to remind myself that not everyone is looking for something they can use against me, and i find myself withdrawing from crowds, because i just don't like the feeling that crowds give me...i'm shy, but also extremely cynical...i don't much care for people on the whole, and people have to work to earn my trust or to get to know much about me at all...

my brother?  good at sports, worked hard in school, and everyone loved him...

me?  wasn't a big sports guy, but i worked hard in school, and people resented me for it...

there is one major difference in our stories, Azurael711...i was bullied from 3rd grade until i left my hometown at the end of my sophomore year...

and i didn't have friends who would dismiss those people's actions, and i didn't have people who would look out for me, or even stick with me...because it didn't get them up the social ladder...instead they would pick on me, try to earn my trust just a little to betray it the next day, and work consistently to destroy me, all for a cheap laugh...

i was recently reminded of this by a dumb@$$ that decided to swerve his car toward the curb to splash me with a puddle, all for a cheap laugh...

i've grown cynical, anti-social, and am getting ready to graduate college...i have had one significant relationship, which lasted 2 years and fizzled out to nothing...because i had trouble opening up...now i'm finally able to open up a bit more, but i still appear damaged goods, like a chipped teapot in a china shoppe...and it has taken 8 years to put the pieces back together as well as i have, but it's not nearly enough...

yeah...bullies severely screw a person up...and so do the people who do nothing to stop them...

the worst thing is this:  it made my parents feel like $#!+ because i never talked to them, but the reason i never talked to them about any of this was any actions they would take would've made it worse...and after a while, i actually began to fear that telling my parents would actually threaten their safety, and my home's safety...
woah.... damn, that's scary... I sort of can't and can believe that people would do that... There's this guy in my senior class who was always picked on by the bullies, and, well, we didn't really do anything to stop those guys... I would try to stop them sometimes, although I wouldn't be able to do anything at the other times...

I'm sorta guilty of being one of those people who don't do anything to help those people, and, well, I wish I wasn't... Although I hope that the guy would grow up to be okay, since majority of the bullying occurred in his fourth year... damn... I suck...  :what

Offline DJAffinity

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #32 on: April 21, 2008, 12:08:00 AM »
i was wondering.. if we try to be social.. we end up getting a fight.. so  err.. how do we solve this thing..

Offline Fanny

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #33 on: April 21, 2008, 01:04:36 AM »
^i dont get your statement DJ. please explain more clearly.

viper, really sorry to hear what you've went through. the past cannot never be changed, but your future can be. i hope you'll be able to make it for the better!

Offline DJAffinity

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #34 on: April 21, 2008, 03:12:27 AM »
Quote from: "Fanny"
^i dont get your statement DJ. please explain more clearly.

viper, really sorry to hear what you've went through. the past cannot never be changed, but your future can be. i hope you'll be able to make it for the better!
hmm.. how should i say :X         

Well. this is quite common anyway.. so i think you'll get the idea sooner or later

for example.. you are some "alien" guy.. try to make friends or trying to be friendly.. but at the end you just.. hate each other.. i've seen this wierd cycle over and over again.. sometimes is me too.. .__.

Offline PeaceOfYui

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #35 on: April 21, 2008, 01:43:30 PM »
Quote
I'm a loner in real life but that's because I choose to be. But if you take the time to get to know me and I find that you're someone I can depend on and form a true friendship with, I will. I'm not one of those guys that love big crowds and love excessive parties. I'm just not into that and there's nothing wrong with liking or disliking that type of stuff. Being lonely, especially in the society where we live in today, where we barely have ten minutes to take a fresh breath of air, is actually a benefitial thing.

One can have so many friends but have none that they can call a true friend. Popularity and fame is just a temporary illusion.

In a hundred years, it wouldn't matter if I sat alone in the cafeteria through out my whole high school years because I lived the life of a modern day child.

I'm a loner... I would like to be call that... I don't feel the same as you humans and mostly feel like I already died before and came to Earth again... anyways it's my imagine. I don't like socialing because I'm shy and probably an anti-socialist is probably shy like me. And what JAYL said "Popularity and fame is just a temporary illusion". I would like to live this way... But I always have to choose even though it is my choice.

Offline by8n7

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #36 on: April 22, 2008, 11:40:48 AM »
omg..i dont know to say if im an Anit Social or just a loner..
like most ppl here..im really shy if i dont knoe you..i wudnt talk unless
if u start..or i'll just sit there looking stupid. but if i know you i would either be talking non-stop or just dont talk and let u talk..i like listening to ppl better than myself talking..and in front of a crowd i get like stage fright and studer..<---cant spell..
but anyways i hate meeting new people

Offline JustAnotherYUILover

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #37 on: April 24, 2008, 05:42:17 AM »
@PeaceOfYUI: I feel that you have a very Hinduist and Buddhist way of looking at life. Samsara other known as reincarnation is what I think you're getting at. The constant spiral of life. I recommend reading "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse. It's deep and full of important information. But please read with caution because there are material unsuitable for children who are immature. But most important information cannot be taught or learnt by mentors and manuals. It requires self-discovery and self-experience.

Offline DJAffinity

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #38 on: April 26, 2008, 01:45:36 AM »
You know... I've been very anti-social these days and just for the thought of it, i keep everything to myself, i dont like being with people or around crowds, I just wanna have everything alone, and mostly, people around me would always give me nasty remarks about me, for example asking a question... maybe kinda bad question because im not used to it eg. movies <-- very seldom until i cant tell whether its PG, R21,M18 and the rest. or other related things which im not used to, even so maybe that i asked it a lil bit dumb or wierd, but its normal since i dont go check it out and im very so called "alien" to these.. yet i still get those damned nasty remarks, so i guess Silence is Golden, being the best is to stay away.. but you have to learn to co-operate with others when you work or whatever. I guess I really need time, im just in under depression, rejection and frustration.. I feel very stressed and i cant even tell whats going on outside...

Offline JustAnotherYUILover

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #39 on: April 26, 2008, 04:21:31 AM »
@DJAffinity: "Don't worry John. The fog will pass."

That's what one of the staff at the psychiatric unit told me. I don't know why I brought that up because it's only significant to me. Eh.

Offline Fanny

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #40 on: April 26, 2008, 03:36:47 PM »
Quote from: "DJAffinity"
You know... I've been very anti-social these days and just for the thought of it, i keep everything to myself, i dont like being with people or around crowds, I just wanna have everything alone, and mostly, people around me would always give me nasty remarks about me, for example asking a question... maybe kinda bad question because im not used to it eg. movies <-- very seldom until i cant tell whether its PG, R21,M18 and the rest. or other related things which im not used to, even so maybe that i asked it a lil bit dumb or wierd, but its normal since i dont go check it out and im very so called "alien" to these.. yet i still get those damned nasty remarks, so i guess Silence is Golden, being the best is to stay away.. but you have to learn to co-operate with others when you work or whatever. I guess I really need time, im just in under depression, rejection and frustration.. I feel very stressed and i cant even tell whats going on outside...
It's not that subtle to know that you're talking about the_chap's reply post to you on whether u thought that Iron Man was an R21 show. No, it wasn't a nasty remark of any sorts. It came as a surprise because he (and probably I) thought that most would know that Iron Man was a marvel comics character that most people (and young teenagers) would know. It wasn't an attack directed at you so I hope you don't get the wrong impression.

And also, you're still young... like 14? You're going through the teenage years of happiness/depression/challenges/new friends/other things. Depression is part of it. Yea hopefully you'll find the time to stand up to your fears. 'No man is an Island'. Cmon, i bet you're not going to spend your whole life feeling sorry for yourself. There's a world out there for you.


Offline the_chap

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #41 on: April 26, 2008, 04:34:00 PM »
Dude, life is difficult. If it was any easier, all our names will be Paris Hilton and Bill Gates Jr.

This is my personality. In real-life, I'm a constant joker who tries to come up with witty comments and funny one-liners. In cyber-space, that happens too with the only difference being the inability to see my face.

This unfortunate ability to have my voice and facial expression projected across all the bits and bytes will tend to have half the people in the world interpreting my message wrongly. Take the one I wrote on the Budokan concert vid as an example.


Go and buy her album you cheap bastards


This one, if interpreted the way it's suppose to be intended, is meant to be said in the same way Kyle Broflovski says it everytime Kenny dies in a South Park episode.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQugTqbkSOM

That is the tone the message was originally written in.


Being a middle-aged teenager, life is always tough. Everything around you feels different, everyone around you doesn't seem to know anything. But this is a phase of life's long and aimless journey. Everyone can point a direction to you, which ends up being back to square one, where there is still no clear and distinct direction to head. But at least now you have clear options as there are bound to be a few people who point towards the same direction.

Everything that you are facing now is part of the wonderful cycle of growing up. Puberty, peer pressure and rebelliousness. Every choice you make now will determine how you turn out in life.

"Every choice" doesn't mean what subjects you take, what you score in your exams or what school you go to. The choices I'm referring to are non-academic. Choices like the friends you befriend, personality, kinds social activities and character developments. The kind choices you make now will determines the kind of person you will become in future.

If you decide to take up smoking cos your friends do too, skip class because it's a fun thing to do and become an aggressive wild child cos you want to rebel, that will be the kind of person you will be in future. Change is always possible, but it will have to be an event of massive proportions and possibly life-threatening experience before people do change their character.

Not socializing in real life doesn't mean you are anti-social. Not wanting to be around crowds or with people in general isn't a sign of "anti-social"ness. This is just a preference. I personally hate crowds of epic proportions in SG as they tend to show the ugly behaviours most Singaporeans are born with. The crowds serves no purpose to me as I'm not the "Kapo" kind of person (Kapo = A kind of person who in interest in other people's business).

If there is a crowd outside a store, I don't force myself in to try and find out what the fuss is about, unless the store is of interest to me, then the crowd serves as a form of ad, informing me of the store's presence. But even then, I won't force my way into the store.

Since you are still 15, take this time to enjoy your childhood. Don't take things too seriously but be wary of the choices you make. The world isn't out to get you. You're just thinking it is.

Offline DJAffinity

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #42 on: April 26, 2008, 09:57:45 PM »
Quote from: "the_chap"


Go and buy her album you cheap bastards
 
i understand u aint happy with me since i dont by her albums and since im in a tight financial why cant wait? im trying to work after exam? and plus, it doesnt have to be from japan -.- 20 and it goes up right to 50 bucks.. zzz

Offline Fanny

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #43 on: April 27, 2008, 12:40:07 AM »
^ oh gosh dude, you didnt get the point did you? Danny has just mentioned that that statement he wrote was meant in a sarcastic satire and fun manner, it is not being directed at you! we don't go out all out and tell everyone that they're cheap bastards when they don't have the money to buy her albums! No, we are not saying that! Yes we do understand that some people, like you, are in a tight financial spot and can't afford to buy her albums. We are not putting you down because of that, we have never done that!

We are just saying that if people can afford, we encourage them to buy her albums so as to support her, even though we arent from Japan. that is all there is to it.

and i hope that you do not take our comments as negative remarks. we definitely have no intention of doing that.

Offline the_chap

Anti Social / Loners
« Reply #44 on: April 27, 2008, 12:40:44 AM »
Quote from: "DJAffinity"
Quote from: "the_chap"


Go and buy her album you cheap bastards
 
i understand u aint happy with me since i dont by her albums and since im in a tight financial why cant wait? im trying to work after exam? and plus, it doesnt have to be from japan -.- 20 and it goes up right to 50 bucks.. zzz
Dude, did you even read the rest of the post?

That was meant to be an example of how messages can be interpreted wrongly. It wasn't directing to you, it was referring to another post in the "Share YUI Media" section, which means it's directing to everyone who doesn't buy her stuff.

Besides, no one is demanding that you buy her Japanese imported CDs.

Go and read the whole post. There's more to it than just that one bold line of text.